“It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No! It’s a Magpie!”
Special To Hot Springs N.C. Times: Rumors of a Magpie sighting in Hot Springs N.C. have now been verified by many sources including this writer. After rumors that a Magpie, driving with an unidentified woman in a black Volkswagen Jetta had been seen going up and down Road 209 on Sunday August 05, this writer went to the cabin on August 06 where they were said to have lodged the previous evening.
The Magpie and her companion were seen to leave the premises early on August 06. This writer, observing at a discreet distance, was able to definitively identify the Magpie. Through sheer persistence and keen journalistic skills this reporter now brings you an exclusive interview with the Magpie herself , and her sister, widely renowned as The Little General, or L. G. as she will be called in this report. The interview took place at an undisclosed location. The Magpie was attired in colorful sequined shoes with casual togs. Her rapport with the also casually dressed L.G. was easy, the conversation sparkling and urbane. The women wore no makeup, yet seemed unconcerned by this.
R: May I say how flattered we in Hot Springs are, Magpie, that a shininess lover such as yourself has chosen our town as your vacation spot?
R: Magpie, can you tell us why you picked the Hot Springs area to visit?
M: Sure, Rod. My sister and I wanted a girls’ getaway that was not too far a driving distance from L.G.’s home, that afforded us with refreshing mountain views, opportunities for adventure, and no responsibilities whatsoever. I searched on VRBO because I felt a cabin would offer us what we needed for less than the cost of a hotel. We chose our current cabin because it was NOT a mobile home, where I found myself last year, and because it had the right amount of space for us. It didn’t hurt that the Appalachian Trail, with which I have long been infatuated, runs right through downtown Hot Springs.
R: And why L.G. as your companion?
M: Rod, you have clearly never traveled with L.G. If you had, you would know that no one ever spends time with L.G. without knowing they have been with an adventurous madcap woman who makes even the simplest things fun. She could rub two sticks together and make a party out of it. Also we like to do the same things. Such as read.
L.G. Thanks for your kind words, Magpie. I would like to say that on my part I knew we would have fun having a few days with no set schedule, and no written- in- stone. rigid goals. In other words, with no testosterone in the vicinity.
M: Good point. L.G. Another important point is that L.G. would help me keep a low profile. Celebrities need their privacy too.
R: But you were noticed immediately after going up and down Road 209 so many times.
L.G. Ahem. Things were not very clearly marked on that road, we didn’t think.
R: Good enough. Could you talk about some of the highlights of your trip? For example, you were seen going up and down the Max Patch Bald Mountain numerous times on the 6th.
M: Yes, we wanted to hike the Max Patch Bald. We had a printout of directions. And although we got lost the day before on our way to the cabin, could not figure out how to work the keypad to get in the cabin for some time, and we did need to use the ladies’ room, plus we couldn’t figure out the many remotes on the Direct TV and VCR, I still had complete confidence in L.G. to navigate us.
L.G. The TV and key pad directions were poorly written. And the signs on the Max Patch road were poorly marked.
R: You hiked which loop of the Max Patch Bald?
L.G. We’re not sure. We both looked at the map at the parking lot but when we got up there we both remembered the map differently. I would say we hiked a short part.
R: A short part. Good. According to my notes you then drove around several other local roads, stopped, turned around and drove some of the same roads again.
L.G.: And your point is? I think we have said we were in a no testosterone zone, so no more questions about where we were when and where we thought we were going and what the signs said.
M: Rod, the scenery was outstanding. And in my sister’s defense, things really were not well marked. All we had to do was get to the Hot Springs Spa by around 3:00 P.M., and we made it.
R: Yes. There is a man in town who waves at everyone who passes him on Main Street. He waved at your car fourteen times. But, the spa experience?
L.G.: It was the best money we’ve ever spent. A lady we call Precious, because she called us Precious, led us to our hot mineral water soak in a secluded little cabana along the Spring Creek. It was just what we needed after our rigorous car riding.
M: Afterwards we walked past the ruins of former hotels on the same location up to the Spa for our deep tissue massage. That was just the massage I wanted. When I get a massage I want to know someone’s been working on me. Our two masseuses were very skilled and knowledgeable. I listened closely to my sister as she discussed all her physical frailties with her masseuse. I had no physical frailties. After the bath and the massage we were two copacetically inclined ladies.
R: Could you share some of your recipes?
M: Yes. L.G. brought some lovely peppers from her garden which we stuffed with an assortment of cheeses we had on hand. You can’t mess this up.
M: Anyway the evenings were relaxing and peaceful. The last night we walked some of the trails on the property. One crossed a little spring. I don’t know which trail that was. We couldn’t seem to match the shape of the map to the shape of the property.
M: But of course. It is refreshing to travel with people who let you have a chance to use words which don’t come up in everyday conversation. Such as sobriquet. And nonce. And read. And discuss books.
L.G. Yes, Rod. Never would it behoove us, in the behemothian responsibilities to which we subscribe but need not detail, to insinuate that you may yet harbor some refractory intransigent iota within the labyrinthine recesses of your bald yet indefaitgble pate which may indicate an opposing tableaux.
M: She means she can’t believe you don’t already know that. Another important point is that when we get to be together we don’t spend it in an intellectual vacuum. We discuss lofty subjects, such as how those Scottish characters in our mystery shows say” maird – thur” instead of “murder.” We introduce one another to vitally enduring aspects of culture. For example L.G. had never seen “The Big Lebowski”. Now thanks to me she has, and can now more fully participate in the life of “The Dude.”
R: Right. How were you treated by the natives of Hot Springs?
M: Really, Rod they were all so kind and down to earth, you would have thought they had no idea they were talking with celebrities.
L.G.: Speak for yourself. They knew I was a celebrity!
R: We know you went rafting, so that is one local business you patronized. Were there others?
M: Yes, Rod. We rafted with the Huck Finn Rafting Company. They were very professional. It was my first time to raft you know. I don’t think they took it personally that I was too afraid to jump off a big rock into the French Broad River.
L.G. Yes but I had told you specifically that if you climb the rock you have to jump!
M: Rod, I’ve told L.G. that my feelings about not wanting to jump were quite strong and could not be ignored. As you know I must stay in touch with my feelings because of the work I do.
L.G.: Guffaws loudly.
R: That’s actually pretty ridiculous, Magpie.
M: This AGGRESSION, man, it won’t stand! Anyway, after rafting we lunched at the Spring Creek Tavern where we had a view of the Spring Creek and a chance to taste regional beers. L.G. prefers wine but after rafting I think she was ready to take whatever she could get.
L.G: On Tuesday many places were closed, so we motored over to Mars Hill because we just had to spend some time inside a bookstore. We also tried Marshall NC but many places, especially meaning the bookstore, were closed there as well.
We would have liked to be able to visit every establishment in Hot Springs but the days got away from us. We were, however, able to visit a very nice place on our way out of town. Yes, I know that through town is not the way we came. We did that on purpose.
M: Rod, it was The Black Horse Consignment Shop. This little shop has only been open for eight weeks, but it is full of shininess. I immediately saw these beauties
which I knew we must have. The owner was very friendly and accommodating. We must have browsed in there for an hour. As the owner of a small business I like to patronize other small businesses.
L.G.: Based on her inventory and prices I would say she is off to a good start. We both admired many more things than we bought. The prices were very reasonable, but it just wouldn’t be sporting to buy the poor woman’s entire stock after she worked so hard to open the place.
M: The owner gave me permission to take pictures even though she has no idea of the quality of my photos. And she said I could mention her shop on my blog. And I’m grateful because I HAVE to show the new chandeliers. One is for me and one is for L.G.
R: Magpie, is there any chance of your mentioning this interview on your blog? And could you keep me apprised of any more trips you plan to make to the area? I want to stay on top of this story.
M: Rod, yes and yes. I am all about encouraging creativity wherever it may be found.
R: And just one last question. Do you ladies know how to find your way out of this undisclosed location?
L.G. Oh certainly. Just as long as the way is clearly marked!