Today, in response to popular demand, we will play an episode from the archives of Magpie TV, a show I have actually just invented. This low tech show allows us to pretend we’re on HGTV doing cool home things, but without the annoying summaries they give before and after each commercial. Why the rerun? It seems that quite a few readers have forgotten about my own little pied-à-terre nestled in the broad bosom of midtown Memphis. That’s not a criticism; I haven’t wanted to mention the condo much during renovation. I preferred to wait until I could show the whole process.
We’re in the final stages of completion now, so I don’t have to wait any longer. But first I wanted to refresh people’s memories. Inventing Magpie TV seemed the best way to remind folks of where we’ve been before I reveal where we are now. So, without further ado, Episode One of Magpie TV, The Shiny Show that Exists Only In My Mind! We’re glad to have you watching! I mean reading!
Part One: Magpie used to talk to her husband quite a bit about a weekend getaway spot. She used to ponder this idea particularly when she realized that what they had spent on college tuition for their little brood could have been used to purchase a very nifty, if not palatial, second home. She saw herself in a wispy dress, on a terrace on the French Riviera, sipping drinks with long legged men in linen suits, drowsy from the sun and their seductive accents….Oh. but then she realized she was already married and the Riviera money, for good or bad, was already spent.
Well then, she thought. What about a weekend getaway spot in the United Sates? The Magpie and her husband loved the mountains of North Carolina but decided the distance would be prohibitive, as they had recently paid two sets of wedding expenses instead of buying their own airplane in which they could have zipped anywhere at a moment’s notice.
The Magpie wasn’t daunted, however. She realized she did not need a large luxurious space in which to relax. What she needed was the equivalent of a tree house or clubhouse from her childhood, only with indoor plumbing. In fact, the thought of finding her own inexpensive getaway energized her. She imagined a tiny antique Airstream trailer in a silent wood, or miniature A frame at the top of a hill. Her husband listened but didn’t say too much. Most likely he thought it impossible to find what she pictured, but did not want to be the one to tell her so. She had a history of not liking such pronouncements.
One day while drinking her coffee and wasting time on the internet, Magpie saw a listing for a one bedroom condo in midtown, in walking distance to theaters, restaurants, and the soon to be revitalized Overton Square. When her husband came home from the gym she asked him, Honey, would you buy me a condo if it only cost XYZ?” “Certainly,” he replied.
Now picture the Magpie and her husband with a realtor, viewing the condo she had found on the internet. The realtor showed them the 1960s era building and its amenities: the pool, the party room, the laundry, the covered parking. They felt at home in the small condo situated just beyond the elevators. The owner had done some cosmetic work on the unit. Magpie and her husband could move right in and begin to enjoy city life on the weekends. Would they make an offer ?
Commercial Break. Look at this picture and hum to yourself.
Part Two: Yes! They decided to go ahead with an offer on the property. They were ready to close as soon as possible. But then, the realtor called with the unhappy news: the owner had removed his condo from the market.What?!!! Magpie and her husband were disappointed, and the realtor somewhat embarrassed. She offered to show them two other condos for sale in that same building.
One unit was larger than what they had originally looked at, but it faced busy Union Avenue. It not only had its original 1960s bathroom fixtures, but sported celery green carpet and floor length peach draperies of the type Magpie’s mother in law used to think simply divine. After murmuring the usual HGTV remarks such as , “Nice space,” and “Good lighting,”, they went down a floor to the second unit. The second unit was identical to the uniit they had originally wanted.
This vacant unit boasted the most economical type of laminate flooring which buckled as they walked across the living room and bedroom. There were somehow two layers of molding and quarter round along the floor; one of the layers was crown molding applied upside down. Magpie thought it looked rather as if she had done the carpentry herself. Though the unit needed cosmetic work, the dated bathroom was in working order, as were the 1980s kitchen appliances. Which unit would they choose? The larger, the more grandmotherly unit facing the busy street, or the smaller, but more private unit at the back?
Commercial break. Look at this picture and stew in suspense, wondering what this unknown couple, whom you now feel so warmly toward, will decide.
Part Three: AND They chose the second unit!!!! ( Imagine upbeat music.) “We’ll only have to replace the floor and molding and repaint,” said Magpie’s husband. “Also we’ll have to strip the garish kitchen paper and repaint. it should be pretty straightforward.” Magpie remarked,” I like this unit better than the one I first saw, because it is a floor higher, and cost less. Now I’ll be able to make my own choices in whatever cosmetic changes we decide to make.”
The show ends with Magpie and her husband toasting each other on the balcony. Please stay tuned for our next show to see how Magpie and her husband updated the condo! And many thanks to our sponsors, previous posts Funny Thing and Squatters Limbo, for sharing your memories!
This is by far one of the most interesting TV shows I’ve watched (read)! And one of the best blog posts…I especially loved this part: “Look at this picture and hum to yourself.” Priceless! 🙂
Thank you so much dear! I guess it’s a new form of “interactive TV!”
Haha brilliant idea, love this great post 🙂
Why hank you so much!
I meant thank you!
You are brilliant and hilarious! I don’t know how you always think of these awesome ideas, but I am glad you do! I love Magpie TV and can’t wait to read the next installments!
Thanks for “watching” even though you already know the whole story!
I’m thinking that Magpie TV will be one of those shows intended for binge watching,right up there with House of Cards. Stay tuned!
I would watch Magpie TV anytime. This was fabulous!!!
Why thank you madam. We at Magpie TV aim to please by including no video and no audio, thereby creating the perfect show!
Well it looked and sounded perfect in my head 🙂
How exciting! Maybe I will be a featured guest star in a future episode.
If you play your cards right….
Your new digs are like 10 seconds away from where I went to college. Nostalgia!!!!! I can’t wait to see it up close!
Keep it in mind for whenever you and Ben want a getaway!
Magpie TV you are a genius! I await the next episode. It looks like your new surroundings are very close to my Midtown friends. Hopefully we will see one another on my next visit to Memphis!
Yes, I am sure it is close to your midtown friends!Come see us soon!
Magpie, I very much enjoyed your show which comes as no surprise. I usually enjoy all the tv shows you make me watch. One complaint/query: when does a watcher of Magpie TV go to the facilities when the commercials are every bit as riveting as the tv program itself? Love, a practical viewer
I am so glad you asked that question! When you need to visit the facilities, just do so but continue to hum whatever song you have chosen for the commercial. When you return Magpie TV will be waiting right where you left off!
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